How d’you do, I see you’ve met my faithful handyman
He’s just a little brought down because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman.
It was a cold January evening when two teams took to the field at the Alvalade on that fateful night. It was only a match of football that was to be played, but to many of the unsuspecting victims, it would be a night full of macabre and events that they would soon not forget.
The plot has been set and we have our characters, so let us continue our tale of bone-chilling terror. It all started on June 5, 2009 when our main character Dr. Frank-n-Furter took over the duties as the president of club Sporting Lisbon on June 5, 2009 with an overwhelming win (89.4% of the votes).
New life, new blood was to be injected to the listless, fruitless and ineffective club (too many adjectives?), who hadn’t won a national championship since 2002 and last hoisted the Portuguese Cup two years prior to being elected into office.
Having gained the trust, and seducing, Brad Majors and Janet Weiss, the charismatic madman would soon make a series of changes that would expose him for the maniacal, egoist that he would turn out to be.
First order of business was to allow the resignation of the very popular coach Eddie. After Eddie, had won the club two Portuguese Cups, 2 Super cups and four consecutive second-place finishes – it was not enough, so he needed to be done away with and off he went (along with Carlos Freitas, Pedro Barbosa and Ribeiro Telles).
For plot’s sake, in the interim Carlos Carvalhal (not a significant character) was brought in to replace Eddie, but only further demonstrated the madness that had consumed Frank-n-Furter and was dispatched in the typical Frank-n-Furter-esque way.
But the bloodshed didn’t stop there as Frank-n-Furter also showed all those who opposed him by allowing then director of football, Columbia, to leave the castle after an alleged argument with start striker Liedson, which Frank-n-Furter decided to side with the petulant player – oh, the carnage!
Feeling that he required someone to take on the daily, menial tasks, Frank-n-Furter then welcomed to the castle an inexperienced handyman named Riff Raff (and later Magenta) on February 25, 2010. The two would work side by side to create a abomination that Brad and Janet had ever seen.
As time had slowly, and painfully passed, we are brought to the summer of 2010 where Frank-n-Furter’s heartless onslaught continued. He and Riff Raff had sold Miguel Veloso to Genoa and then exposed their twisted regime for what they were with the well-documented, grotesque saga involving Joao Moutinho’s transfer to heated rivals FC Porto (oh, please make it stop – I can’t stand it).
Blood splattered everywhere, as Frank-n-Furter was determined to defy all and create his masterpiece. After making the initial incisions (Veloso and Moutinho), Frank-n-Furter laughed uncontrollably and would start to put together his creation by adding a dash of Alberto Zapater, a sprinkle of Jaime Valdes, dab of Tales de Souza and teensy bit of Marco Torsiglieri for flavour.
No, it couldn’t be, no one would dare. What in humanity were Frank-n-Furter and Riff Raff concocting? This is surely a plague, an inhuman torment that only the imaginations of hell itself could dream up. Finally, Frank-n-Furter and Riff Raff were done and was ready to unveil what he had worked so hard at:
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your… word.
Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionists… you are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research… and paradise is to be mine! It was strange the way it happened… suddenly you get a break… whole pieces seem to fit into place, not a sign of being.. what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to make it happen… AN ACCIDENT… and that’s how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life… Yes, I have that knowledge… I hold the secret… to life… itself! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN! Hoopla! …throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator… and step the reactor power input THREE MORE POINTS!
As the lightning had struck, a movement from the bandaged figure, then a second until finally it stood on its own two feet this was when Rocky Horror was born – an underachieving side consisting of a hodge-podge of footballers who are more concerned with bickering than trying to live up to its glorious past. (Also, for plot’s sake, Paulo Sergio was recruited by Frank-n-Furter and Riff Raff to manage these devil children.)
If all these changes were not bad enough, Magenta was finally brought into the morbid group just last month to, perhaps, ensure that sinister plans only Frank-n-Furter could devise would be carried out.
While Rocky Horror and Janet were being creatures of the night, we will fast forward to the night of January 15, 2011. You could feel a chill in the air as it was becoming quite apparent that doom was to fall upon all those who had been present.
Rocky Horror was hosting Paulo Sergio’s old master, Pacos de Ferreira, and had fallen behind in the score once, then twice and a then third, and apocalyptic, time. As the whistle blew to signal the end of the contest, there were more sounds heard in the background as the bell was tolling for one individual in particular.
Our main character knew his time had come as he failed to deliver on his promise to create a successful and winning Rocky Horror to the field; he knew what was to be waiting for him, and would be served with the maximum punishment for his deeds.
While trying to avoid the inevitable for too long, Frank-n-Furter’s deranged crusade was succumbing to fate and would eventually perish, to be seen no more, leaving the castle in the hands of Riff Raff and Magenta:
Cards for sorrow
Cards for pain
‘Cause I’ve seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize I’m going home.
Cast:
Dr. Frank-n-Furter – Jose Eduardo Bettencourt
Riff Raff – Costinha
Magenta – Jose Couceiro
Columbia – Sa Pinto
Rocky Horror – Sporting Squad
Brad Majors & Janet Weiss – Sporting Supporters
Eddie – Paulo Bento
(All characters, song lyrics, transcript and image are from 20th Century Fox’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
